Venom Minisaga

Sometimes back at headquarters me and the guys like to drink things people tell us not to drink. On an unrelated note, Clorox 2 is a rip off because it tastes exactly the same as clorox 1. That said, I was inspired to compose the first little chapter of this baby. I plan on it being about 3 parts, released about a week apart, but don't hold me to that. Meanwhile, enjoy the action/suspence that is:

"Ten Minutes, just ten more minutes." I tell myself, with eyes fixed upon my shot glass. "How long does this stuff take to kick in? Should I do it now? Should I do it in five minutes? Should I have done it five minutes ago?" I can't control the sweat. My hand wraps are balmy, but my hands can’t even hold still long enough to notice.
    So far I'm 8 - 0, and I manage to drink it every time. Tonight isn't going to be any different. I just have to close my eyes and power it back. "Don't look at it or you'll lose your nerve you little pansy." It wouldn't be so bad if it didn't look like it was radioactive. That crap glows like I poured it right from a neon light bulb. "No, time for regrets now." I throw back the shot glass, and, as usual, it burns everything on the way down. Piss, blood, and acid. It tastes like piss, blood, and acid. "And now for the afterglow."
    I don't know if it's psychological or if it actually helps, but so far I haven't lost a fight yet. Plus, cobras are native to Thailand, so this crap only costs me about 5 bucks a shot. I could imagine adrenaline junkies back home paying about $300. And trust me, it does get the adrenaline flowing.
    Let me tell you the difference between poison and venom. Poison is toxic to the whole system. You drink poison, and you die, unless you are the Dread Pirate Roberts. Venom is a little different. If it doesn't get to your blood and start screwing with you that way, it's 100% safe. On the other hand, if you have an ulcer, or a cut in the mouth, you might as well just swallowed a spoonful of diamond dust, because you are going to feel it in a couple of seconds.
    Rewind a bit. When I say 100% safe, I do mean, if you drink it and go about your normal life. Let’s say you are some crazy or stupid SOB, and you have some sort of Thai kickboxing match in about seven minutes. In that case you might want to reconsider taking the equivalent of five King Cobra's venom sacks. Sure, a shot to the face might not kill you, but let's just say you take a nice clean one on the lip, followed by some "Tony Jaa" knee to the stomach. You throw up, venom hits the cut, and you die. Or picture this, you don't get hit in the face, you don't throw up, but all of a sudden you take a liver punch hard enough to cause a deep tissue bruise. You know what just happened there? You died.
    So why did I just give myself a 3000% higher chance of dying out there today? Ask yourself this: "why can a gazelle outrun a cheetah?" Simple. The cheetah is fighting for a meal; the gazelle is fighting for its life. And one last thing, this crap turns you into an animal. My fear, my adrenaline. Time is practically moving in slow motion. I could lift a bus right now, and no hollow boned southeast-Asian featherweight blow is even going to make me blink today. I'm a cornered cobra, and I'll be the first one to tell you I am scared as hell, but as for Thai boy in the blue corner; he had better be a whole lot scareder.