The Strange Adventures of Irving the Luckless

Natedog reads too much. I'm not kidding. It's disgusting. I once saw him try and snort a copy of "Call of C'thulhu" which would have been just fine if it wasn't my friggin' book. What follows are the tales brewed in the mind of someone far too educated to post here. I'll try to fix that with some unrelated pictures as not to make things too civilized.

The Strange Adventures of Irving the Luckless - Part 1


Tank's Ancestor     It was going to be one of those days, Irving could just feel it. one of those days that came once a week (or sometimes twice if you were incredibly unlucky, had a time machine, or were impossibly drunk). This day had a name, and its name was Monday, and it seemed to take particularly malicious delight out of giving him a good swift kick in the pants, generally in a metaphorical sense, but on rare occasions, when it was feeling particularly spiteful, this "Monday" would implement the more painful physical sense.
    That morning, the sun skipped its perfunctory "rising" stage, and opted to just suddenly appear in full blaze, causing Irving to frantically dash about the house under the impression it was noon. Fortunately, his clock corrected him, by blinking that it was 8:30 a.m. Much calmed down by this, Irving decided to leisurely take his time with breakfast, until he realized with a start that work started....5 minutes ago. Only Monday had the potential to be this cruel to him. One of the problems he had with monday, other than its inordinant amount of spite directed singularly at him, was its location to the other days of the week, or more specifically, the weekend. Monday ended the perfectly grand routine of doing nothing that Irving firmly established over those two prior days. And it had to be acknowledged, that while all good things must come to an end, Monday was perhaps the worst end imaginable for anything ever. Irving hastily opened the door to head toward his car, when suddenly, for no apparent reason other than it was a Monday and such things occurred almost exclusively on that day, an elephant fell on his car.

The Strange Adventures of Irving the Luckless - Part 2


Soccer can be fun to watch.     It wasn't so much that Irving didn't enjoy the situation he was in, he didn't. It really had to do more with the outcome of the situation he was in, that outcome being namely that of his death. While his death would, in the grand scheme of things, mean absolutely nothing to anyone of any importance anywhere, it would mean a good deal to him. Or would it, he wondered. After all, its not like he'd miss himself. Just as he was on the verge of a revelation, a sudden cracking noise, followed by pain, followed by a yell that he recognized as his own, brought him out of his revery. He looked up and saw his captors standing over him. A group of heavily armed aliens stood over him, each glaring menacingly, first at him, then at eachother, then at their weapons, back to each other, and finally, they decided to give Irving one last good glaring. Irving had no idea who these aliens were, and even if he had, it wouldn't have done him much good. The aliens were in fact, the Gzaginians of Lorinburtk, notorious for their ever present glares, even more notorious for their ill temper, and most notorious for the ease with which they could be provoked to kill. Had anyone ever bothered to research them at all, it would have been discovered that the cause of the glaring resulted from their plantet's sun always shining in their eyes. No one knew why this was, due mostly to the fact that no one ever researched it, but had they done so, they would have easily seen the correlation between the glaring and ill tempers. Then of course, the Gzaginians could have received the therapy they needed. But due to their ill tempers this research never happened, and so Irving found himself in a most unenviable position, unless of course, your not quite in your right mind, and are in your left mind, and like the idea of being killed.