36 Hours: Ravings of a Sleepless Man.

It's 12:01 A.M. Man that always irritated me, it goes 10 PM, 11 PM, 12 AM. I Think they jumped the gun a little. That is of a little importance compared to the point at hand, which is: I have been awake for about 36 hours now. No Red Bull or anything. I was once told that after three days of solid sleeplessness, hallucinations start to kick in. Once That starts happening you'll be the first to know. What you are about to read are the unfettered, and virtually unpunctuated ravings on a sleepless man. I call it 36 Hours: Ravings of a Sleepless Man.
    Here at the Lord Tony Sama facilities in Undisclosed Texas, section 4 (Superhuman Information Corps) has been paying close attention as I wander from indoor gazebo to indoor gazebo racked with the heavy burden of my new found super power. The first thing I noticed about not sleeping is that it makes your metabolism speed up like crazy. I just went to a low end sushi buffet and ate about 5 plates. I walked out of there with a food baby. I looked as pregoo as that one chick who got a sex change into a guy, then got married, but his wife was infertile so he ended up getting artificially inseminated so they could rear their children who will grow up in shame because that crap goes against just about everything in nature... except for sea horses. Aw man, That chick looked pretty hot when she was a chick too, but she had to go and blow it. The worst part was how Discovery channel was treating it like such a friggin' beautiful story. But I can't stay mad at them for long, because they have Mythbusters on there. I saw them drop a 170lb bag of sand onto an indestructible seesaw, to see if they could launch a girl 7 stories into the air. They managed to send her flying through 13, which I would have to give a least 1 thumb up for. It would have been way cooler if they somehow blew it up with C4, and were using a real little girl. And now that I'm on the subject, exactly how many myths actually involve explosions? I have never really seen an episode without them finding some reason to blow crap up. They are so cool. Maybe If I murder one of their interns, they will give me a job. I would totally cremate the body and mix it into about 25 bags of concrete and use it to pour my driveway. You know; so they cops wouldn't find the body. I guess a normal person who wanted the job would try something a little more direct like dropping off a resume and/or portfolio. Those people haven't avoided sleep for 36 hours. If they ask me to attach a picture to my resume, I think I know exactly which one I'm using.

    Back to my main train of thought. So I have been eating almost non stop, because it makes me forget that I would have normally given up on the task about 20 hours ago. There are side effects to constant eating. My poo doesn't have time to completely digest, so it's the same consistency (and color) as soft serve chocolate ice cream. It is amazing that I could literally stuff my organs to the point where I forced them release a half finished product, like Blizzards World of Warcraft expansions. I'm sure they will harden my poo with downloadable expansions, and shut down my entire digestive tract for hours on end every Tuesday to do God knows what. You know, I when I was younger I always thought there were gnomes in my butt that pushed out the poo when I went number 2 (Rhyme as intended as possible). And I figured the gnomes had to go to the bathroom too. I then assumed that pixies were the ones who pushed the poo out of the gnomes butts, because pixies are so small. "But Master King Lord Tony Sama, that starts and infinite regression loop?" Nay, I say. Nay! For the pixies are female, and as everyone knows girls never poop.
    Now, I hope you learned something today. Staying up for 36 hours is not only advisable, it's the cool thing to do, and it open's your mind to the wonders of imagination. I can whole-heartedly recommend you try this at home without adult supervision. I am going to try for 48 and see how it turns out. I am now going to head out and play more Marvel vs. Capcom even though Onslaught if friggin' impossible to beat, and they made that boss specifically as an arcade cash trap. It is so easy to get to him, but good luck trying to get past the bull**** hyper-grab attack. I am going to ask the Mythbusters if it is possible to beat Onslaught.